Saturday, April 2, 2011

Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil, See No Other Women.

The other week, TGIS (again, that's The Guy I'm Seeing) and I were chatting about a mutual acquaintance as we were getting ready to go out for brunch, per usual, when he let something slip that wasn't the usual. "Yeah, I went out on a date-slash-lunch date with _____ around Thanksgiving, and we were talking about him and how every woman is in love with him."

What I wanted to say was "Hold up, there, buddy, you were seeing ME around Thanksgiving! What is this disclosure, your rules to speed dating?!" What I actually did was meekly chuckle. To get the facts clear, we were not "together" around Thanksgiving-- we had just started hanging out. We hadn't had sex yet. We weren't monogamous or committed. But while in the long-run, it may not seem like a big deal because of these facts, it made me think back and wonder. He was uncharacteristically out-of-touch over Thanksgiving, if my and my cell phone's memory serve right. And while at the time, seeing other people would have felt to me like trying to cram more clothing into an already stuffed-to-the-brim suitcase, it seemed to him to be as natural as breathing. Which brought up the point...

What is the politically correct way to say "Are you currently seeing other women? And if so, STOP."

How come it seems as if men seem to have all the fun and never worry about "where their relationships are going," and women get all the stress and the suspicion and are the ones that feel all the desires to have "The Talks?" It doesn't seem very fair. Just one day, just ONE, I'd love TGIS to be the one to turn and look at me and say, "Hey...I've been thinking...You're not seeing anyone else, right? We're all good, right?"



  1. We're wired to think monogamously, per our duty as child bearers. Men are wired to want to spread their seeds. They worry about quantity, we worry about quality.

    If men read this blog post the "needy and insecure" alarm bell would ring in their heads. But as a female, I totally relate to what you have written.


  2. That would make me crazy. Not sure what the politically correct way is, but I'm sure it will occur to you!

  3. Maybe you could casually open with something related like "Oh, I always wondered if this guy at work (or this guy in class, the next door neighbor, ect) had a thing for me, and then the other day he asked me out..." Then mention how it made you wonder about you and TGIS' monogamy status. I don't think there is a politically correct way to say what you want to say, but if you're like me, and the thought of a Talk makes you break out into a cold sweat, sometimes setting up the conversation makes it a hell of a lot less awkward, and a lot less threatening. Good luck to you, bella!