Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Who Should Make The First Move, Men Or Women? A No-Brainer.

Once and for all: It is the woman's job to make sure that she gives enough blatant indicators that she's comfortable for the guy to make the first move. From personal experience, this could mean not moving away when they lean into you (touching is always a great open-season sign), holding eye contact, or initiating any sort of directional shift to the bedroom. From there, once it looks like the landing zone is free and clear, it's the man's job to make the first move.

You may say this sounds all 1950's Mad-Men-Before-There-Was-Peggy. But let me just explain this to you: I don't think I've ever made the first move, not even once. An ex of mine maintains I did, but I honestly will chalk that up to the fact he was drunk and probably was wishing that I had. Maybe it's just the fact the universe has been very kind to me and I have remarkable kismet radar for the moment when a guy is about to do something, so I always at least try to meet him half-way and make it a joint effort. But whatever it is, it works-- I don't make the first move. And I'm pretty successful, when I'm not purposefully trying to shoot myself in the foot. Like I've said, I'm charming. With a nice rack. Intelligent conversationalist. Doesn't take much more.

After being rejected once (unless remarkably resilient), a girl will not make the next move, even if she's been accepted by this person before. More simply put, "you made me look stupid; I'm not going to make that an option again." It's all on you, men. Any time a girl, or a guy, puts themselves out on a line, anything less than a "yes" equals rejection. And no girl likes feeling cheap. It's a woman's prerogative to feel like work has to be involved to win her over, even if it's really just the imitation of winning her over. I am so guilty as charged as pretending to debate if I would spend the night or not after being asked, when in reality, I walked through the front door knowing that if there was a snowball's chance in hell, I'd being willing to take it and run with it. Most women are exactly like that-- we know ahead of time what the outcome for you will be. If we're there in the first place, it generally means it's a good one. If we are repeatedly putting ourselves on the line, it's a good one. If we've been gazing into your eyes for the past 5 minutes and told you you're the most deep and insightful man we've ever met, it's a good one. If we're standing in front of you and not recoiling in disgust and horror, it's a good one. In Vegas-speak, the odds aren't stacked again you, so you should probably hit it. (Just not in the literal or colloquial connotation. I mean, ok, maybe, yeah, but still...be a little more suave about it.)

Plus, don't you like the feeling of being in control and having conquered something? Doesn't it just make you feel all Russel Crowe in Gladiator-esque? I mean, no, you're technically not in total control-- and you never will be, because we reserve that right (roughly translated: You wanna stick it in? You do the work), and I mean, maybe you did conquer something, like one giant confidence leap for you, one small step for mankind, but mostly, it's about the effort. We like to see effort. You don't think we wear heels and look good like this every bleeding day, do you? No, unless we're Italian women, we don't. That, among other things, is part of our effort. We like to look nice when we see you. We like to have interesting things to talk about. And we don't want our time to feel like a total wash.

So, basically, humor us. Even sometimes when you've been solid with a girl for a while, it would be good to switch things up a little bit, and make the "first move" again. Call or text her first. Touch her first. Kiss her first. Ask her to come over first. Ask her to spend the night first. Ask her out first, or make plans first. It'll get you a long way, trust me. You want something to happen? Don't leave it to chance, or the off possibility that she might decide to strike first out of the blue. You make it happen. Believe me. Women eat this shit up. I eat this shit up. It's what we all live for, save another Sex and the City movie that reverts all the wrong-doings of the last one and doesn't suck. When have I ever not given you the unmitigated secrets to opening a girl's mind, heart, and legs? Trust me on this one. Try it, unless you don't like getting what you want, that is. I dare you to not be successful.



  1. Love this. Can we print this on pretty resume paper and post it all over the world? :)

  2. Carissa,

    I just came across this after a visit to Champlain this past weekend. My son is verrry interested to coming to Champlain in the fall. As a mid-fifties dad of 2 boys, one an adopted Peruvian and one homegrown (surprise!!!)I find your writing and your attitude refreshing. I'm sure my wife probably wouldn't, but if we had a girl I think I would love to have her a lot like you, with just a tad less sex of course. Pardon a father's old fashioned mores. To be fair, I/we have always given our boys the same admonishments re: sex we would if we had a girl. No double standards in our house! I do find it unbelieveable that you have produced such a HUGE library of work. Where do you get the time????
    Anyway, I just thought I'd drop you a line and let you how remarkable you are. Keep it up....

    Lou Priest Jr.

    P.S. Hopefully Sean will be there next fall. Keep your fingers crossed for us.

  3. Lou--

    Thank you so much for your kind words! As a Professional Writing major at Champlain, I've been extremely lucky to have professors who realize how important my time and commitment to my writing and blogging are. I also figured out early on that some homework assignments can double as blog posts if you choose your topic and approach in a certain way (saves twice the time). I actively make time for my writing, because I recognized that building this blog's content is basically building a massive portfolio of work for grad school and future jobs. (Obviously, I'm looking to go into a very specific market.)

    I wish your son all the luck in his college endeavor-- I certainly can't say enough good things about Champlain, but wherever he ends up, be sure to let him know it's what he puts in to it that mandates what he gets OUT of it.


  4. Carissa,

    Thanks for the advise. Sean has realized this for a long time now, which is probably why he does so well in school.

    You must be looking forward to graduation, I know I was when I was in college. All those engineering, math and science classes! UGH! If he does get into Champlain, I hope he meets classmates like yourself, it will make the transition easier.

    Thanks Again,