Monday, October 4, 2010

"Sophomore Bitties"

So, Google Analytics recently (and by recently, I mean over a month ago, but I'm finally getting around to addressing this,) teamed up with Blogger to provide readership stats to all blogs, a move which I highly condone. Why? Because this means that not only can I keep numerical track on how many people are viewing this blog per day, from different countries around the world (that's you, Burundi!), what other sites are leading you to my blog through links (thanks, Molly, at Smart, Pretty, and Awkward, for the masses of people who jump over here), but I can even view what browsers and operating systems you're using. It's 1984, after all. Big Sister is watchin'.

It's kind of creepy, yeah, but it's useful. I now know what keywords will get me more blog hits (better business practices); I know what times of the day more of you have time to browse the web, therefore giving me a better frame of time in which to update with new content for you; and what the most viewed posts are, which lends me better ideas of what you would like to read about. (Sadly, it's actually the post about skinny-dipping and Naked Tuesdays, just because of that fucking image.)

When we get to the fact that it also shows me what keywords people are using to search for this blog, or keywords used that show this blog as one of their results, it can go one of two ways: really disconcerting (consider a few of the words in the blog title and the proclivities of people searching for those things), or downright hilarious. Among the "downright hilarious" are my Top 5 Favorite Searched Keywords That Led You Here of All-Time:

1.) Champlain College is a joke
2.) Sophomore bitties (Whoever searched this-- hi, I'm single, and I love you.)
3.) Large British women having sex (I laugh because I have no idea how this got you here, and otherwise, I'd have to worry.)
4.) "I really fucked things up this time, didn't I, my dear." (These are lyrics to "Little Lion Man" by Mumford & Sons. I straight-up love the fact that I archived those lyrics so long ago that they show up among the top results when you search for the lyrics to that song. That's what I call personal accomplishment.)
5.) The perfect naked girl (Why, thank you!)

However, a lot of your spelling skills make me want to break down and cry. "College grils"? "Collage gurls?" "Sexii grls"? Really? Really? Hello, this is good grammar. Let me introduce the two of you. Hopefully, you'll hit it off as much as you hit it off with "sharp stiletto sex."


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