Thursday, September 30, 2010

Dates I Might Actually Survive

See this? I would go on a date for a dish of what is to your left. Really. Let me explain.

I spent a wonderful Sunday morning a few weekends back having brunch with my mother, when I looked around Penny Cluse Cafe and realized that I was actually enjoying myself, out and about, before noon on a weekend morning. I then noticed the couples and tables of friends sitting around us, and reached a startling conclusion over a bowl of the most fabulous chicken and biscuits I have ever had: I would let someone take me out to brunch. In fact, I'm pretty sure that a brunch date would be the best date that you could ever hope to have me agree to.

I know, I know, I know-- I self-professedly hate dates. Dates make me as-- if not more-- uncomfortable than my yearly visit to the gynecologist. Like, you could not pay me to go on a date. (Well, I don't know. I have over a cool half-grand in vet bills to pay right now, so you probably could auction me off. But that is besides the moral point.) But here are the fine points on why a brunch date is an ok-by-me "real date" alternative:

A.) I don't actually like most breakfast foods. But you can bet the 6 dollars and 50 cents that it takes to buy a large serving of Penny Cluse's chicken and biscuits that after a night of um, exercise, I wake up damn hungry.

B.) If you're being a gentleman and driving me home the morning after, if you suggest a brunch spot on the way back to my place, I will usually be up to making that stop. Unless I am ridiculously hungover. And then please, don't even talk to me. It's not you-- it's my headache.

C.) Brunch is usually cheap. I will purposely order something under $10 to spare you. I honestly feel like spending more than $10 on a meal for a date in the morning is insane. I also honestly feel like spending $20 on a date's meal in the evening is equally insane. Also, asinine.

D.) The coffee is usually better than what you make. Or, more conveniently for me, they actually offer me coffee, if you don't.

Possibly the only downside to this whole brunch-date idea is that the morning after, I tend to look like someone who was just released from an intervention program, I smell like a pleasantly shameful blend of latex and you, and I'm wearing what I wore yesterday, just a little more stretched out than it was the morning previously or should be. Not generally my favorite time to make a foray into public, but really-- for those chicken and biscuits, I would. (You should be sensing a theme by now. Even if you don't go with me, go try those. Actually, on second thought, please take me with you. Look-- I'd date you. Maybe just that once, and maybe it's just my latent Southern heritage from my mom's side of the family coming out, but still. That's progress!)

What are some other dates I would willingly go on? Art gallery openings or shows. Concerts. If I were comfortable enough with you to see me red, panting, and sweaty outside of the dark of a night-time bed, hiking. Probably the best way to win my heart would be to take me dancing. It's one of my favorite things, but because I have never had a partner, I've never been able to learn the forms I really want to: Latin, ballroom, tango, etc. So you guessed it-- take me to a tango class, and I would literally be putty in your arms. If putty had two quick and nimble feet and hips made for swiveling, that is.

And even if I were on the fence about you, I would definitely attend a live football game with you. Especially if I could drink beer while there. I would whole-heartedly invest in those 9 hours or so to figure out how I really felt. I'm not promising anything here like someone could go from a frog to a prince with 2 Pats tickets, but I certainly would let you give me your best shot at changing my (then open) mind.


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