Thursday, August 5, 2010

Go Shark Yourself.

I'm not really someone who has excessive anger. Passive-aggressiveness is the name of my game. True, sometimes I have violent tendencies (such as the face-into-the-dashboard incident), and I can be extremely vindictive, but mostly, I prefer to stew in my simmering emotions like a criminal mastermind too lazy to really take over the world who prefers to just daydream a lot about it instead.

In fact, I've achieved a kind of Zen-like mentality about a lot lately. Last night, one of my guys looked at me when conversation turned to an ex and began to get a little heated. I was not the one getting heated; Alli was. "This is between you and him," he told me. "You've got to settle it for yourselves."

"Hey, I'm not saying anything," I said. "I know. I'm fine."

Truth be told, while I am past verbally ripping new ones, there are still some quiet moments in which it still rankles me. So when a friend of mine (that would be a shout-out to Melissa,) introduced me to the Discovery Channel's website in which in honor of Shark Week, you can "sharkify" a picture, and I read the directions to "upload a photo of yourself or anyone else," I knew what had to be done.

I sharked myself first, because I am not above making fun of myself. (That's the creepy-ass image above.) I even captioned it when I published it with "I'm pretty sure I have some exes who think that this is my true form." Anger and insulting people-- I know it's two-way street. You can be mad at me if I can be mad at you. All I ask is for equal-opportunity name-calling. And while I have a fearless friend who toilet-papered THE SHIT out of a guy's house after she found out he was cheating on her, but wait for it-- TP-ed his house WITH THE HELP OF THE GIRL HE CHEATED WITH (and that has to be every man's worst nightmare come true right there,)-- I prefer a less direct approach to redemption:

And then I sharked my ex.

It's currently a desktop image.

Seriously, if you need a nice, quick, artistic pick-me-up guaranteed to put a smile on your face, a whistle on your lips, and a spring in your step...go shark your ex.


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